Honesty vs. Sensitivity

Lets say I have a huge booger on my face. Its green and disgusting and distracting as you're talking to me. Do you tell me about it, or just let it slide (literally and figuratively) in fear of offending me?

Maybe a friend of yours constantly sings to any song they hear, horribly off pitch- but they think they're the next American Idol. Do you tell them you like hearing their voice, or do you tell them you'd rather stick ice picks in your ears rather than listen to them howl one more song?

Lets say your friend is having relationship issues that are their own cause... They come complaining to you about them, expecting your validation but you disagree with them... What do you say?

What I want to talk about is the ultra-sensitive nature of society today. We're so afraid of confrontations, of looking bad, of offending someone that we hold back the truth. We tell all our youth that they're special and amazing, and they'll all be successful and rich when we know it's a lie. But why do we do this? What are we afraid of? The ugly truth? Yes the truth sucks quite often, but its the TRUTH and there's no changing it. Chances are your son isn't going to be an NFL player or a rock star. Your daughter is probably not going to be treated like a princess by anyone but you. So quit lying to them. It gives someone a false sense of entitlement, that they're somehow special as they are and they don't need to work hard to achieve their goals. It might make your child feel good now, but how does that set them up for their adult lives? It leads our young men to be anything BUT men, and it causes our young women to be spoiled and self-entitled. No one was born "special." Talent is a lie. Tell them the truth, that you have to work hard to be successful. When someone fails at something, don't say "Its okay because you tried your best." Tell them the truth: that if they want it bad enough, they'll work hard and do what it takes to succeed next time.

Lets say you have a female friend who's guy is treating her like shit. She comes to you to complain... but does she ever do anything about it? Tell her the truth; if she wants to be treated better, it's all up to her to demand it and/or earn it. Tell her that if she can't stand up for herself than it's her own damn fault she isn't being treated better. It sucks to have to break the truth to a friend like that, but a true friend will do it because they realize it's the only way to help improve your situation. Either that, or you can be sensitive instead and tell her that she deserves better because she is special, and that he's going to come around and see how special she is someday and all that bullshit. When you say that, you stop being a friend and you become an enabler. You enable her self pity and she won't get any better.

One of the best examples of the point I'm trying to make is how I coach my kids at pole vault. There are two younger guys on the team who were vaulting around the same height the first year I started. We'll call them "Jon" and "Tim." Tim was way more athletic than Jon and had a lot of physical advantages over him. I coached both of them the same way. When they did something right, I rewarded them. When they did something wrong, I let them know and wouldn't let them move on with training until they could get it right. Jon would work hard to correct his mistakes and move on. Tim would quickly become discouraged and take my critiquing personally. Before too long Tim started missing practices and Jon started improving at an exponential rate. By the end of the season, Jon had jumped more than 2 feet higher than the previous season and Tim had quit the event. So even though Tim was at a serious physical advantage, he failed because of his sensitivity and his inability to take criticism even when it was constructive. Jon took my criticism and my advice to heart and made something of himself. He didn't make excuses, he didn't take things personally. Now which of these two do you think is going to make something of themselves later on in life?

I guess what I'm getting at here is a need for a little more honesty. People's feelings are going to get hurt in their lives, many many times. Trying to avoid that is like trying to stop the world from turning. And it's creating levels of dysfunction in this society that are mind boggling to me. So lets just be honest. Who wants to give it a try?