You spend your whole life trying to control things. I mean, think about it. Your car, house, loved ones, career, schooling; you want to feel like you have some control over most things, it's only natural. But the older you get, the more responsibilities you have, the less control you have over anything. And when you really stop and think about it, you really don't have control over ANYTHING in your life. Sure you have a house, but a natural disaster can wipe that away. Same with most any possession. Anything and everything is temporary at best. But, why do we still try and control things? Is it just human nature to want to feel in control? Or is it just the easier route to take mentally?
I remember a few years ago, when I first started getting real responsibilities. I got my first car and job, started having real relationships with others, then moving out and living on my own. At first, it was almost too much. I didn't feel like I was in control of much at all, and it was overwhelming. I was constantly worried about every aspect of my life not going as I had planned. Every deviation from my original course felt disastrous. But over the last couple of years, things have changed quite a bit. It started with me sitting down one day and thinking about the person I was at that time the previous year. Then I started thinking about the year before that. So much had changed, so many things had been altered. I was almost a completely different person. And it was then I started to just let go and accept it. I realized the more I planned things, the more things deviated from their course. It was true, the harder I gripped these things, the more they slipped through my fingers. So I started living a bit differently.
I can't fully explain this to you, but the closest I can come to it is giving a reference. If you've ever watched Fight Club you'll remember a scene where the narrator and his other personality (embodied as Tyler) are in a car and having a confrontation. Tyler is driving and the narrator is in the passenger seat. Tyler lets go of the wheel to the car and the narrator starts panicking. Tyler turns to the narrator and says "Stop trying to control everything and just let go." There is more to the scene, but that's exactly what I'm talking about. He's not just talking about the car, he's talking about in life. Nothing is ever certain, there is no rule book, no guidelines, no paths and certainly no control. I don't think a lot of people will come to that realization, but I feel like I have. There is a crossroads you'll come to where you can live according to plan and be constantly frustrated when little things deviate; or you can accept life's uncertainties and realize there's not much you can control.
As humans, we feel like we know so much when we really don't. There isn't certainty in anything but yourself; The only thing you can ever truly know is yourself. You can't control the actions of others, you can't control nature. You can, however, control how you react to things. When you truly realize this, it feels like you can take on anything in life. You know that if the worst thing happens, you can deal with it. That doesn't mean it isn't going to suck really bad, but you can deal with however sucky it may get. And as I like to say, "It takes shit to make bliss." How could you know something is good without going through the bad stuff? This realization will bring you self confidence like you've never experienced before and anyone who knows anything will let you know that this is a great quality. You quit being afraid of things and you start to look forward to a new challenge. I see it as your life being a book. Most people try and title their chapters before they write them. Then they get frustrated when they need to make alterations. Instead, why not take it all page by page? Instead of writing ahead, why not concentrate on writing today's page as brilliantly as you can?
In conclusion, I'm sorry for the preachy tone of this piece but I feel It's true. If you can take yourself from "Things are so bad, I can't handle it" to "This is how it played out, now here's how I'm going to deal with this problem" you can transform your life. You CAN deal with anything, and the first step is to accept whatever comes at you as unchangeable.
"The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in;
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air."
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Best part: "Most people try and title their chapters before they write them. Then they get frustrated when they need to make alterations. Instead, why not take it all page by page? Instead of writing ahead, why not concentrate on writing today's page as brilliantly as you can?"
ReplyDeleteI learned this first hand trying to complete NaNoWriMo two years ago. If you're unfamiliar, the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. The way to get through something like that is just what you said: focus on one page at a time, one day at a time, which worked out to 1,667 words per day (yes, I still remember).
I literally wrote page by page and literally lived day by day that month, and I learned exactly what you said. It's such an important lesson, even if it does sound preachy. :>)
Marshall Jones Jr.