Upside Down; Holden Caufield?

This one's going to be a touch on the serious side, but I swear I'll redeem myself by having a really good shithead reason.

I don't really know why I'm like this, but I tend to be quite cynical. Of everything. I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm seriously leaning towards this quality being a positive one. It's like I have to label something as good or bad before I can pass on.

Recently (well, this is probably more of a lifelong thing) my main problem has been with fake people. Whether it's in looking fake, talking fake, acting fake... it all makes me want to puke. I feel a bit like Holden Caufield; If something isn't fully real and honest, it becomes insufferable to me.

The thing I realized that sparked all this was how people try and block out the bad or ugly things in life. For some odd reason, it seems that a few people don't want to let any ugly thing into their lives... and they ACTIVELY ignore this stuff. "Something might hurt my feelings? Well I'm going to act like it doesn't exist. Something is ugly? I want it gone, I don't want to see it. I want everything to be happy happy happy! Smiles all around!" Now, I can't blame them for that. We all want things to be perfect, that's our nature. But blocking out the bad parts of life is in NO way healthy. These people walk around like lobotomy patients, minus the drool. But you can't really have the good stuff, the happy stuff... without all the sad stuff. Think about it.

Love is the most desired when you have the least.
A warm day feels so nice after a long winter.
You appreciate life more after almost dying.
Food tastes the best when you've been hungry. (well, also if you're drunk or high)

The point is... Happy can't exist without sad. If you're one of the people who try to block out all the bad shit in life... you're numbing yourself to the happiness. If you keep this up, happy won't feel happy anymore. And then it's all downhill from there. True optimism lies in embracing sadness, pain, despair... and realizing that it's going to make the good things in life just that much sweeter.

Anyway all of that is something I feel pretty strongly about, and when I feel strongly about something I sometimes turn it into a poem or song. In this case I wrote some lyrics, and I present to you "Upside Down" (or should I name it "Holden Caufield?")

Upside Down

Your Cheshire grin might do them in,
But I can see right through;
The mask you wear, the stylish hair,
The clothes disguising you.
Your bathroom smells like lilacs
And your living room like pie;
When something isn't pretty
You'll just turn a blinded eye.

Anyone can see how hard you try,
And everything about you is a lie.
You're like a clown with a painted frown,
That's upside down, it's upside down.
You're like a clown with a painted frown,
That's upside down, you're upside down.

And now it's time to level, friend;
To make you see the truth.
We'll chalk up all your ignorance
to blinding, awkward youth.
You can't be happy without sad,
And pleasure comes from pain.
You'll never feel so warm and dry
Until you stand in rain.
So how can you feel healthy
If you've never once been sick?
And flowers smell so good because
They're fertilized with shit.

Anyone can see how hard you try,
And everything about you is a lie.
You're like a clown with a painted frown,
That's upside down, it's upside down.
You're like a clown with a painted frown,
That's upside down, you're upside down.

REASONS YOU'RE A SHITHEAD

You're a Shithead if you brag about being a vegan/vegetarian. That is a fact that needs to be stated ONE TIME, and then drop it... shithead. Oooooh, you're so nice because you watched too many Disney movies and it made you realize that animals have feelings and are generally nice and break out into song and dance... so now you can't bear the thought of Bessie the Singing Cow bleeding out from a quick nip to the jugular.

Have you ever watched the discovery channel? Nature shows? If you have, you know that pretty much every animal in nature is a total dick. Espescially when it comes to eating other animals. Remember Simba, the lion cub from "The Lion King?" He likes to murder those cute bouncy little gazelles with his fangs and claws, then feast on the tasty meat and blood. (mmm mmm good!) Now, this leads me to believe that if a cow has to exit this mortal coil for the purpose of being eaten, he'd much rather do so with the quick blast of a shotgun than to be slashed and eaten alive by cute little singing Simba. Hakuna Matata, Shithead!

That amazing artist I talked about a post or two ago has a pretty cool way of dealing with vegetarians/vegans. I'm told he invited a vegan friend of his over for dinner and this person insisted on being cooked an "animal friendly" meal. The artist obliged. In time, the vegan invited the artist over for dinner to return the favor... and was met with the artist's insistence on being cooked an "all meat" meal. It's only fair right?

So vegans/vegetarians, come down from your moral soapbox. We have canine and incisor teeth for a reason, people. And that reason is cute, furry, and awfully damn tasty.

In conclusion, I'm going to cite some sources here, both coming from Maddox. This guy is HILARIOUS and also one of my biggest influences on the style in which I write. The first one is about how many animals are killed harvesting the sources of grain and food to support a vegetarians diet:"
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=grill

And this one is about "Sponsoring a Vegetarian." Hilarious.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sponsor

Oh, and if you somehow make the (incorrect) assumption that I'm condoning animal cruelty in this post.... guess what... YOU'RE A SHITHEAD!!!